Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
