apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
