Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize