Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
