I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
