take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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