he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
