I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
