Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
