Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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