So drunk its hurt
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
