I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
