dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
