I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
