This girl is more easily done than said...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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