i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
