do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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