After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
