we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
