I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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