Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
