Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
