It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
