after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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