Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
