i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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