my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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