I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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