My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
