What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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