During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
