The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The air taste purple.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
