She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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