I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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