New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
