I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
