Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
