the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
