Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
