on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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