I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
