Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
