Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
