I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
