I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
