Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Come on in and take your pants off
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