2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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