The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize