whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
