I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex