Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....