if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.