Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.