1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off