I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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