Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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