Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
