the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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