I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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