I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
