The maid of honor just puked.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This is my gift to your gina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
