And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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