too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
