because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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