I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
