I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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