Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
