Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
