i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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